![]() ![]() We are Japanese high school students, 15 or 16 years old. But I like flowers, maybe because my Japanese husband hardly gives them to me.^_^ A friend says she'd rather have the money saved than getting flowers from her European husband. There are lots of things you'd never find out about your spouse if it weren't for your friends.ītw, Japanese married couples tend to hug and kiss less, and not all but some are not comfortable with recieving flowers all the time. Don't you have a mutual Japanese friend you can talk to? Mutual friends really help in marriage relationships. Well, even though you can expect better situations with Japanese wives, I think your wife is fairly normal. "Trying to figure out if this is simply a cultural difference that I am unaware of or maybe something else." Personally, I think in-law relationships goes well best when we can meet each other about 2-3 times a year and have a great couple of days together. But there are people who gladly have severe ties with in-laws (my J aunt and her J daugher-in-law goes to theaters and dining all the time, just the two of them, and most Japanese find this as a pleasant surprise), so it depends both on the daught-in-law and parents-in-law, I guess. It doesn't surprise me to hear about any person in the world not wanting to be involved with in-laws, and I think we see those situations in western movies all the time. "In-law" conflicts are heard of in any country. This is true to a certain extent too, but I wonder if this is cultural. ![]() "Also, I was wondering if it is common for Japanese women to avoid meeting their husband's family and want him to sever ties with them." So I guess you can ask her to say "I love you" if it pleases you, but maybe it's hard for her to say it from the bottom of her heart even though she loves you without words. It is often used in lyrics, but if people say it in public, it's quite astonishing (although not actually annoying). The expression "aishiteru" can sound quite daring. When the Japanese want to express "I love you" in words, they often say things like "suki (I like you)", "dai-suki (I like you a lot", "taisetsu (you're precious)". "and on other occations she says it is because there are no words in Japanese to say that." They try to feel it, rather than to say it. While many people of the younger generation says "aishiteru ('I love you' in the most devoting way)", many married couples go on living happily ever after without saying it at all. "She says that it is because Japanese don't say that" ![]() The sense of isolation one experiences when living in a foreign country should not be underestimated. Maybe your wife feels isolated from her own family in Japan and is therefore somehow jealous that you are in close contact with yours? While her demands do sound unreasonable, I would suggest you take the time to find out what the underlying problems are. Your second point about your wife's wanting to distance herself from your family sounds a bit more disturbing, and I don't think it is so easy to excuse this as simply a "cultural difference". Therefore, I wouldn't worry overly about this, provided you are both able to show affection for each other in other non-verbal ways. ![]() Having said that, though, I would agree that married couples in particular are far less likely to say this to each other than perhaps people in the west. The Japanese certainly have ways to say "I love you", namely "Aishite iru" and the more common "Daisuki". ![]()
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